Shattered child...
She came to the web site that I belong to today. The name immediately made me sad. Shattered child. What had someone done to him/her? What was it that left them
shattered? Shattered? Is that worse than hurt? Shattered to me means picking up the pieces of my life. Shattered means broken into many different pieces. Why were they shattered? What shattered them? SHE shared that she is a child via surrogacy. I am a parent via surrogacy. Her mother and father lied to her. "You're adtoped," they told her. It wasn't the truth. She found out the truth when a relative - still angry over the surrogacy - told her that she had a surrogate mother. She has a two mothers. One that raised her and one that gave birth to her. The truth shattered her. Her life was a lie. Her 22 year old life was a lie. I wanted to tell her to grow the fuck up. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to tell her it would all be okay. I wanted her to go away. I didn't want to hear what she had to say. I wanted to explain it all to her. But, I didn't. I just said, "I'm sorry they lied to you." Lies. We lie for so many reasons. Sometimes we think we're lying for the good of the other person. Sometimes we lie to save face. I lie because I don't want to admit the truth to myself. It's easier to lie. It's easier. But the truth always comes out. Whether we want it to or not. The truth always comes out. "We didn't want to confuse you," her parents told her. "You would have been terribly confused by it all and it doesn't really matter, does it?" "Yes," the shattered child said. "It does really matter."
shattered? Shattered? Is that worse than hurt? Shattered to me means picking up the pieces of my life. Shattered means broken into many different pieces. Why were they shattered? What shattered them? SHE shared that she is a child via surrogacy. I am a parent via surrogacy. Her mother and father lied to her. "You're adtoped," they told her. It wasn't the truth. She found out the truth when a relative - still angry over the surrogacy - told her that she had a surrogate mother. She has a two mothers. One that raised her and one that gave birth to her. The truth shattered her. Her life was a lie. Her 22 year old life was a lie. I wanted to tell her to grow the fuck up. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to tell her it would all be okay. I wanted her to go away. I didn't want to hear what she had to say. I wanted to explain it all to her. But, I didn't. I just said, "I'm sorry they lied to you." Lies. We lie for so many reasons. Sometimes we think we're lying for the good of the other person. Sometimes we lie to save face. I lie because I don't want to admit the truth to myself. It's easier to lie. It's easier. But the truth always comes out. Whether we want it to or not. The truth always comes out. "We didn't want to confuse you," her parents told her. "You would have been terribly confused by it all and it doesn't really matter, does it?" "Yes," the shattered child said. "It does really matter."
posted by Mike at 6:33 PM
2 Comments:
hey Mike ...
i guess i'm your new blog groupie. :)
what a coincidence.
i saw my grandson's mother today (she and my son are not married .. yet) ... we all had dinner together. it's a long story but the very abbreviated version is she was in a half-way house when my grandson was born, but she has completed her sentence and is doing very well. at the restaurant we were at, she ran into another woman who was at the halfway house with her. she recently was released and is trying to start a new, clean life.
they were having a conversation and the girl (i'll call her Chris) said, "the hardest thing right now is what my mother has been telling my daughter (who is now 5). my mother (the child's grandmother) has told the little girl that SHE is the mother and that i (chris) am her aunt." she went on to say how wrong this is (i agreed).
we had a discussion about telling the little girl the truth NOW .. so she doesn't grow up and some day have the rug pulled out from under her and think that her life was all a lie ..... and then i come on line and read your post.
i know you've already said that you will tell your daughter the truth and i commend you for that. she will grow up respecting you even more because you respected her enough to always be honest with her. you are right .... somehow .. someway .. at some point .. the truth always reveals itself.
i think your daughter is very lucky to have such concerned and caring parents.
have a great rest of your weekend!
Thanks, Raven.
Secrets and lies have torn many families apart. I understand that at the time people do them for "good reasons" including for the good of the child - or with the child's best interests at heart. But, it's always the truth that's in our best interests isn't it?
Thanks again for reading.
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