Intended Fathers...
A diary. My diary. That’s what I needed to start. Two weeks into our journey. I had to write. And write. And write. Unreal things were happening. Unbelievable conversations. Realizations. Soul Searching. It was all such an incredible mess. No. I was an incredible mess.
Adoption came first. Phone calls were made. Many weren’t returned. Good news and some bad news. Hundreds of photographs of children. Beautiful children. Needing homes. Needing love. Did they need me? I wasn’t sure. More soul searching. We couldn’t do it. Adopt a special needs child. A child outside of our race. Two children. Brother and sister. We couldn’t do it. From what country? Where? Who is your mother? Did she want you desperately but couldn't keep you? Two fathers? Two whammies or so it seemed. A different race and two gay dads? What more harm could we do to a child? So it seemed. Such a mess.
I wrote. I wrote everything. Good, bad, indifferent, rants, raves, tirades, love, and joy. I wrote. I wrote everything. Too much. I had to get it out. It? The truth. My truth about becoming a dad. It was exciting. But it was hard. It was wonderful. But it hurt. It was amazing. But it was so complicated. Talking about money in one sentence and a baby in the next was excruciating. Pain right to my soul. Or so it seemed. A diary of a confused gay guy striving to become a dad. What started as a diary became a book.
“For all gay men considering parenthood through reproductive technology this book is REQUIRED READING. The author takes readers step-by-step through the process of using a surrogate. At the same time, in an honest and forthright fashion, he raises some serious questions and issues surrounding surrogacy and gay parenting. This book gives readers access and insight into the private world of a surrogate and her intended gay parents.” Angeline Acain, Publisher Gay Parent Magazine.
The reviews are coming in. It’s a very strange feeling. Using a surrogate? I hate that word. I hate the word hate.
“This book is truthfully written, holding nothing back. The story is very real and the reader will ride the emotional, physical, and financial roller-coaster ride right along with the dads.” Cheryl Jaques, Former President The Human Rights Campaign.
I wrote. I wrote everything. Probably too much. But I had to get it out. The private. The personal. I had to get it out. For her. For Lilly. It’s her story as much as it is ours. It’s how she came to be. It’s the truth.
Journal Entry, January, 2003
This morning, I found myself lying on the bathroom floor of our hotel room trying to well, rise to the occasion and do my thing. But first, I had to drown out the sound of Mom doing dishes, humming, and talking on the telephone in the background. Trust me, it wasn’t easy. But I did learn that turning the water on in the bathtub, running water in both sinks, and turning on the overhead fan worked just fine as distractions.
I don’t know if she’ll like it. Maybe she’ll hate us. Maybe she’ll love us. Maybe she’ll feel bought and sold. Maybe not. How will she feel? Only time will tell. Did we do the right thing? Only time will tell.
Adoption came first. Phone calls were made. Many weren’t returned. Good news and some bad news. Hundreds of photographs of children. Beautiful children. Needing homes. Needing love. Did they need me? I wasn’t sure. More soul searching. We couldn’t do it. Adopt a special needs child. A child outside of our race. Two children. Brother and sister. We couldn’t do it. From what country? Where? Who is your mother? Did she want you desperately but couldn't keep you? Two fathers? Two whammies or so it seemed. A different race and two gay dads? What more harm could we do to a child? So it seemed. Such a mess.
I wrote. I wrote everything. Good, bad, indifferent, rants, raves, tirades, love, and joy. I wrote. I wrote everything. Too much. I had to get it out. It? The truth. My truth about becoming a dad. It was exciting. But it was hard. It was wonderful. But it hurt. It was amazing. But it was so complicated. Talking about money in one sentence and a baby in the next was excruciating. Pain right to my soul. Or so it seemed. A diary of a confused gay guy striving to become a dad. What started as a diary became a book.
“For all gay men considering parenthood through reproductive technology this book is REQUIRED READING. The author takes readers step-by-step through the process of using a surrogate. At the same time, in an honest and forthright fashion, he raises some serious questions and issues surrounding surrogacy and gay parenting. This book gives readers access and insight into the private world of a surrogate and her intended gay parents.” Angeline Acain, Publisher Gay Parent Magazine.
The reviews are coming in. It’s a very strange feeling. Using a surrogate? I hate that word. I hate the word hate.
“This book is truthfully written, holding nothing back. The story is very real and the reader will ride the emotional, physical, and financial roller-coaster ride right along with the dads.” Cheryl Jaques, Former President The Human Rights Campaign.
I wrote. I wrote everything. Probably too much. But I had to get it out. The private. The personal. I had to get it out. For her. For Lilly. It’s her story as much as it is ours. It’s how she came to be. It’s the truth.
Journal Entry, January, 2003
This morning, I found myself lying on the bathroom floor of our hotel room trying to well, rise to the occasion and do my thing. But first, I had to drown out the sound of Mom doing dishes, humming, and talking on the telephone in the background. Trust me, it wasn’t easy. But I did learn that turning the water on in the bathtub, running water in both sinks, and turning on the overhead fan worked just fine as distractions.
I don’t know if she’ll like it. Maybe she’ll hate us. Maybe she’ll love us. Maybe she’ll feel bought and sold. Maybe not. How will she feel? Only time will tell. Did we do the right thing? Only time will tell.
posted by Mike at 8:24 PM
3 Comments:
You wrote a book??!! about your experience with a surrogate?? that's soo cool!!!!
i would love to read it ... you can email me if you want a link to where i can purchase it?
i think it's awesome ... that you would reach out and help others who are considering the same pathway that you and David took ....
Lilly will know she's so loved .. and cherished .. and wanted .. because you worked very hard to have her .....
incredible ..... :)
thanks so much raven! my diary was first published by the advocate (a gay/lesbian magazine) on their web site. Then friends kept pushing me to find a publisher and I was incredibly lucky enough to do just that.
it's taking forever for it to be published so i often forget that it's even happening. it's a strange feeling. I have yet to get the copywrited version back to them to make corrections. Publishing date is set for jan 1, 2006. oy!
Publisher's web site is www.haworthpress.com. Just do a search under intended fathers or surrogacy and it pops right up.
i'm sure i'll blog more about it too!
i am very excited to read it and will be looking for excerpts in your blog!
and many congratulations!!!! nice college fund for Miss Lilly .... :)
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