Is it over yet?
Rant on
It’s 4:12pm right now. This day has suckola’d the big one so far.
Lilly woke up way too early – we’re talking 6 am when she normally isn’t up until 8am. So much for me time. I shower, shave, get dressed, get Lilly out of bed, clean her up, dress her, give her some milk and cheerios, she spills them, I clean them up, go down stairs so she can watch the wiggles while I make her lunch.
On my way I walk by the mirror and see that my pants are ripping, yes ripping, my girth is causing the fabric to give, not attractive, not attractive at all, so I run back up stairs searching for a needle and thread only to find that our 15 year old cat has now barfed all over the bed and it’s dripping down the comforter (that is so gross I can’t even believe it myself to this very moment) which isn’t good as our house is for sale and we have a showing at 7pm tonight, the last I knew the steam cleaner carpet cleaner thingy wasn’t working, fuckity fuck.
Lilly is screaming downstairs as she’s going through separation anxiety or some neurosis, so back down stairs I go after I mend my pants oh so quickly – I could have found other ones but these are my favorite fat pants, I wear them a lot as they give, well they done gave too damn much and they fucking burst at the seams.
Lilly is busy watching the wiggles but stops to follow me around the kitchen whining, whimpering, being incredibly cute but really annoying, she was giggling two minutes ago, now she’s whining, I give her milk, no. I give her juice, no. I give her some fruit, no. fuck. I give up.
I pack up her lunch, feed the dog, pack up my lunch which is an atkins shake and a bottle of water, take lilly into the living room to distract her while I take everything out to the car, she screams anyway, I load up the car, come back to the house to get her, then get her buckled into her car seat.
I forgot my sun glasses, where are they? Back in the house I go, I can hear lilly screaming from the car in the kitchen, I smack the cat on the nose as he’s now eating again and I don’t know where he will projectile vomit next.
I get in the car and sneeze, sneeze again, and again, and again, hayfever this year is horrible but I don’t have a tissue, I find a receipt from checkers fast food where I stuffed myself with a double cheeseburger last night and use that. Gross. Worse than the cat barf but who will know? I look in the rearview mirror and my hair looks like shit, I forgot to put anything in it, no gel, nothing, and I wonder if I even remembered to put deodorant on. I’ll find out later it’s supposed to be 70 today.
I pull into daycare about 20 minutes away and hit a speed bump, I generally go over them really fast to amuse lilly but this time the dashboard lights up like a freakin’ Christmas tree, warning lights, the car nearly stalls, bells, whistles, lilly starts to cry, the check engine light comes on, the traction control light comes on, and we sputter into the parking lot of daycare.
Oh my fucking God this day will not get worse. Fuck it. It does.
I get lilly into daycare she’s miserable and crying, I start to cry, then get mad, then leave, and start looking for my cell phone. I don’t have it. I don’t have my cell phone, my car is dead and I don’t have my cell phone, so back into daycare I go, I couldn’t use the regular phone as they were blabbing so the b-itch tells me to use the fax phone, I hate them, the cord is too short. I call the dealer then the tow company.
I stand and wait for 2 and one half hours of my life until the tow truck man arrives. I am stinky, hot, sweaty and in a surprisingly good mood, everything looked like a Marlboro light menthol 100 cigarette including the tow truck driver who was NOT cute.
I sit in traffic with him – windows down – stinking – hot – sweaty – from one side of long island to the other on the way to the dealer. I’m still in a good mood. Not taking drugs, so what is wrong with me?
Get to the dealer and he says they can’t look at the car today, I can’t call david though because he’s a work since 6 am and I DON’T HAVE MY CELL PHONE! I’m still hanging in there. The bill will be 600 dollars. That’s outrageous. Unreal. I’m still okay. They call me a cab so I can go to david’s work and find him to get the other car.
Outside I waiting and there are two other men, brothers, who are waiting for their car, and one of them is really angry. The other one lectures me about how he had a girlfriend of 6 years break his heart and as a result he had two strokes. I look at him and wonder if he’s drunk, on something, stupid, or just has no social skills at all, am I a shrink? No. Studying to be one. I must have it written on my forehead, I don’t want to listen to him I just want to leave that place now.
No cab. The guy keeps talking about his strokes and how he only weighs 140 pounds. I weigh 200 pounds and I sewed my fucking pants back together this morning with a needle and thread while my daughter screamed at the bottom of the stairs watching the wiggles, my cat puked, I don’t have a phone, just got a bill for 600 dollars, my car broke down, I waited for nearly 3 hours, I’m hot and stinky and my pants feel like they are going to burst and he’s telling me his problems? This day could not get worse.
The cab comes. I can’t understand him. I reach into my pocket and realize I have 2 dollars. Yes, two dollars. I’m in a cab with no money, so I tell the driver who I can’t understand and we drive by a bank and I scream stop stop stop. He does. I think he’s afraid of me and he’ll leave me if I leave the cab and I need the cab because I’m going to david’s job to see if I can find him if he’s not in surgery, I can’t call him to find out because I DON’T HAVE MY CELL PHONE.
I race out of the bank and the cab is there but halfway to the hospital I realize that since I can’t call david and that there are security gates at the hospital that I’ll need his id badge for that, if I can’t get in touch with him I’ll be stuck, so I shouldn’t go there, instead I tell the driver to take me home, he doesn’t’ understand but I write down our address for him and he talks to someone on the phone.
Then, cher comes on singing do you believe in life after love? I’m thinking cher I love you but I don’t’ give a fuck just get me home right now I know you’re in Canada finishing your never ending goodbye tour which we saw last November, it rocked, I’m still in a good mood, thank you for that, but damn this day sucks, I looked out the window and saw kids playing, the sun shining, birds flying, and I thought what a great day it is. I am certifiably nuts for thinking that.
We find our house and pull up in front of it and the driver yells at me that our house is for sale and asks if we’re working with a reetor, I think? I don’t know. I gave up and just walked away flapping my hands at him, although I don’t know why I flapped my hands I must have looked really gay.
It’s now 4;34 and david is supposed to call so that he can drive home or I can take a cab to his job so I can get the car, put the car seat back in it that david took out the other weekend that was in the back of the car that broke down so I’m glad I thought to take it out of there over the weekend, and then I can go back to daycare and get Lilly, and then we having a showing tonight at 7pm and I can then study for my final exam tomorrow.
Rant off.
Whew. I’m tired.
It’s 4:12pm right now. This day has suckola’d the big one so far.
Lilly woke up way too early – we’re talking 6 am when she normally isn’t up until 8am. So much for me time. I shower, shave, get dressed, get Lilly out of bed, clean her up, dress her, give her some milk and cheerios, she spills them, I clean them up, go down stairs so she can watch the wiggles while I make her lunch.
On my way I walk by the mirror and see that my pants are ripping, yes ripping, my girth is causing the fabric to give, not attractive, not attractive at all, so I run back up stairs searching for a needle and thread only to find that our 15 year old cat has now barfed all over the bed and it’s dripping down the comforter (that is so gross I can’t even believe it myself to this very moment) which isn’t good as our house is for sale and we have a showing at 7pm tonight, the last I knew the steam cleaner carpet cleaner thingy wasn’t working, fuckity fuck.
Lilly is screaming downstairs as she’s going through separation anxiety or some neurosis, so back down stairs I go after I mend my pants oh so quickly – I could have found other ones but these are my favorite fat pants, I wear them a lot as they give, well they done gave too damn much and they fucking burst at the seams.
Lilly is busy watching the wiggles but stops to follow me around the kitchen whining, whimpering, being incredibly cute but really annoying, she was giggling two minutes ago, now she’s whining, I give her milk, no. I give her juice, no. I give her some fruit, no. fuck. I give up.
I pack up her lunch, feed the dog, pack up my lunch which is an atkins shake and a bottle of water, take lilly into the living room to distract her while I take everything out to the car, she screams anyway, I load up the car, come back to the house to get her, then get her buckled into her car seat.
I forgot my sun glasses, where are they? Back in the house I go, I can hear lilly screaming from the car in the kitchen, I smack the cat on the nose as he’s now eating again and I don’t know where he will projectile vomit next.
I get in the car and sneeze, sneeze again, and again, and again, hayfever this year is horrible but I don’t have a tissue, I find a receipt from checkers fast food where I stuffed myself with a double cheeseburger last night and use that. Gross. Worse than the cat barf but who will know? I look in the rearview mirror and my hair looks like shit, I forgot to put anything in it, no gel, nothing, and I wonder if I even remembered to put deodorant on. I’ll find out later it’s supposed to be 70 today.
I pull into daycare about 20 minutes away and hit a speed bump, I generally go over them really fast to amuse lilly but this time the dashboard lights up like a freakin’ Christmas tree, warning lights, the car nearly stalls, bells, whistles, lilly starts to cry, the check engine light comes on, the traction control light comes on, and we sputter into the parking lot of daycare.
Oh my fucking God this day will not get worse. Fuck it. It does.
I get lilly into daycare she’s miserable and crying, I start to cry, then get mad, then leave, and start looking for my cell phone. I don’t have it. I don’t have my cell phone, my car is dead and I don’t have my cell phone, so back into daycare I go, I couldn’t use the regular phone as they were blabbing so the b-itch tells me to use the fax phone, I hate them, the cord is too short. I call the dealer then the tow company.
I stand and wait for 2 and one half hours of my life until the tow truck man arrives. I am stinky, hot, sweaty and in a surprisingly good mood, everything looked like a Marlboro light menthol 100 cigarette including the tow truck driver who was NOT cute.
I sit in traffic with him – windows down – stinking – hot – sweaty – from one side of long island to the other on the way to the dealer. I’m still in a good mood. Not taking drugs, so what is wrong with me?
Get to the dealer and he says they can’t look at the car today, I can’t call david though because he’s a work since 6 am and I DON’T HAVE MY CELL PHONE! I’m still hanging in there. The bill will be 600 dollars. That’s outrageous. Unreal. I’m still okay. They call me a cab so I can go to david’s work and find him to get the other car.
Outside I waiting and there are two other men, brothers, who are waiting for their car, and one of them is really angry. The other one lectures me about how he had a girlfriend of 6 years break his heart and as a result he had two strokes. I look at him and wonder if he’s drunk, on something, stupid, or just has no social skills at all, am I a shrink? No. Studying to be one. I must have it written on my forehead, I don’t want to listen to him I just want to leave that place now.
No cab. The guy keeps talking about his strokes and how he only weighs 140 pounds. I weigh 200 pounds and I sewed my fucking pants back together this morning with a needle and thread while my daughter screamed at the bottom of the stairs watching the wiggles, my cat puked, I don’t have a phone, just got a bill for 600 dollars, my car broke down, I waited for nearly 3 hours, I’m hot and stinky and my pants feel like they are going to burst and he’s telling me his problems? This day could not get worse.
The cab comes. I can’t understand him. I reach into my pocket and realize I have 2 dollars. Yes, two dollars. I’m in a cab with no money, so I tell the driver who I can’t understand and we drive by a bank and I scream stop stop stop. He does. I think he’s afraid of me and he’ll leave me if I leave the cab and I need the cab because I’m going to david’s job to see if I can find him if he’s not in surgery, I can’t call him to find out because I DON’T HAVE MY CELL PHONE.
I race out of the bank and the cab is there but halfway to the hospital I realize that since I can’t call david and that there are security gates at the hospital that I’ll need his id badge for that, if I can’t get in touch with him I’ll be stuck, so I shouldn’t go there, instead I tell the driver to take me home, he doesn’t’ understand but I write down our address for him and he talks to someone on the phone.
Then, cher comes on singing do you believe in life after love? I’m thinking cher I love you but I don’t’ give a fuck just get me home right now I know you’re in Canada finishing your never ending goodbye tour which we saw last November, it rocked, I’m still in a good mood, thank you for that, but damn this day sucks, I looked out the window and saw kids playing, the sun shining, birds flying, and I thought what a great day it is. I am certifiably nuts for thinking that.
We find our house and pull up in front of it and the driver yells at me that our house is for sale and asks if we’re working with a reetor, I think? I don’t know. I gave up and just walked away flapping my hands at him, although I don’t know why I flapped my hands I must have looked really gay.
It’s now 4;34 and david is supposed to call so that he can drive home or I can take a cab to his job so I can get the car, put the car seat back in it that david took out the other weekend that was in the back of the car that broke down so I’m glad I thought to take it out of there over the weekend, and then I can go back to daycare and get Lilly, and then we having a showing tonight at 7pm and I can then study for my final exam tomorrow.
Rant off.
Whew. I’m tired.
posted by Mike at 4:43 PM
3 Comments:
*stiffling a giggle*
*cough cough* (ahem)
*whistles while looking out the window*
i hate cat puke. i had a 17 year old cat (i had to put her down a year and a half ago) ... so i really have empathy about that one.
(um wondering where David is through all of this .. but only to the "going out to the car" part)
:O <-- me in shock at the car issues and trying really hard not to laugh
(okay just read that David was at work ... obviously David is a doctor)
i am completely and utterly exhausted from reading about your day!!!! i have one question ...
DID YOU FIND YOUR CELL PHONE??
((((( big hugs ))))))
LOL Trust me Raven, by the end of the day we did have a good laugh, a really good laugh, about how horrible it was. Yep. DAvid was at work and clueless as to my drama. As usual! lol
I knew exactly where my cell phone was all the time. It was sitting on the living room floor as I had given it to Lilly for her to play with the night before! That is, keep in mind, after finally figuring out how to lock it so that she wasn't calling france, china or spain. Which is perfectly capable of doing! Oy.
Thanks for the hugs! Oh and the car bill was up to 999.45. nice huh? And amazingly they can now get the cash cow in before noon today (Wednesday). We think not. The problem was covered under warranty so it was a no charge afterall - well except for towing - but that was a must. We have a "cute" rental car (David calls it an accident of death on wheels) until Friday.
Oy.
i HATE car problems .. nothing sucks more than that!!!
hehe ... i haven't read today's post yet but i'm hoping it was a better day for you!!!
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