Thinking....thinking....thinking....
Woke up at 5:30am. My mind was thinking. And thinking. And thinking. Mind chatter. That’s what my shrink calls it.
David was up too. Clickity click on the keyboard with the light on. He always sleeps. He must have been thinking too.
The house is sold. So far. Rich couple from Old Westbury is buying it for their…servants…helpers….I’m not sure what to call them? Her? Him? Maid and butler? I honestly don’t know. Paying cash. Nearly 400g’s in cash. Unreal. I guess they worked for them for over 20 years. Low balled us at first. Thought we’d eat 10g’s. We didn’t. The rich get richer. Maybe not this time. What if they change their mind?
2nd car broke down yesterday. A loaner from my parents. 1994 mercedes benz. Looks pretty sitting in the driveway. Key won’t turn though. That’s what you get when you get old. Right? 135K miles later. Still a good car. Even on a flatbed being towed. What if the bill is too high?
We leased a new car yesterday. 4Runner. It’s huge. Too huge. Didn’t realize it but it is. Can we afford it? Not now. Should have waited. Later. Now? Do we need it? Need a reliable car. Why so big? Is it too big? I’m not working. It’s terrible timing. It’s ours now. Looks good in the driveway next to the Merc that won’t start. What if we did it too soon?
Start a new internship today. At a drug/alcohol rehab center. I’m nervous. Don’t really know why. But, I am. Too many hours I think. 300 hour internship in 8 weeks. Can it be done? Did I bite off more than my big yap can chew? Will they like me? Will I like them? What the hell am I wearing? They want me to lead a group. Can I do it? What if I can’t do it?
ACOA’s. We have a hard time saying no. Say yes to everyone and everything. Then regret it later.
Looking at houses this weekend? Not sure. They are expensive there. Can we afford it? Are they too expensive? Taxes are terrible. Will we close on time? Where will we live? What if we sell too early? What if we can’t find a house that we like?
Lilly is getting so big. So big. She’s a little person now. Threw a fit in the car dealership yesterday. I told her no. She slapped my cheek. How do I teach her not to hit without hitting? Parenting is hard. Will I be a good parent? Where did she learn to hit from? She isn’t hit. Other kids? Daycare? What if I can’t teach her to not hit?
Found four grey hairs yesterday. Turning 40 didn’t feel like it though. Should I use that Grecian stuff? Too old? Too young? Why now? What if I pluck them and more of them grow back?
What if….what if….what if….
Histrionic. “Tell your mind to shut the hell up.” That’s what Miriam says. My shrink. I need Miriam in my brain to tell it that. What is a shrink anyway? What if I'm called a shrink? Will I like it?
Oh the mind. It’s a terrible thing when it thinks. I think.
David was up too. Clickity click on the keyboard with the light on. He always sleeps. He must have been thinking too.
The house is sold. So far. Rich couple from Old Westbury is buying it for their…servants…helpers….I’m not sure what to call them? Her? Him? Maid and butler? I honestly don’t know. Paying cash. Nearly 400g’s in cash. Unreal. I guess they worked for them for over 20 years. Low balled us at first. Thought we’d eat 10g’s. We didn’t. The rich get richer. Maybe not this time. What if they change their mind?
2nd car broke down yesterday. A loaner from my parents. 1994 mercedes benz. Looks pretty sitting in the driveway. Key won’t turn though. That’s what you get when you get old. Right? 135K miles later. Still a good car. Even on a flatbed being towed. What if the bill is too high?
We leased a new car yesterday. 4Runner. It’s huge. Too huge. Didn’t realize it but it is. Can we afford it? Not now. Should have waited. Later. Now? Do we need it? Need a reliable car. Why so big? Is it too big? I’m not working. It’s terrible timing. It’s ours now. Looks good in the driveway next to the Merc that won’t start. What if we did it too soon?
Start a new internship today. At a drug/alcohol rehab center. I’m nervous. Don’t really know why. But, I am. Too many hours I think. 300 hour internship in 8 weeks. Can it be done? Did I bite off more than my big yap can chew? Will they like me? Will I like them? What the hell am I wearing? They want me to lead a group. Can I do it? What if I can’t do it?
ACOA’s. We have a hard time saying no. Say yes to everyone and everything. Then regret it later.
Looking at houses this weekend? Not sure. They are expensive there. Can we afford it? Are they too expensive? Taxes are terrible. Will we close on time? Where will we live? What if we sell too early? What if we can’t find a house that we like?
Lilly is getting so big. So big. She’s a little person now. Threw a fit in the car dealership yesterday. I told her no. She slapped my cheek. How do I teach her not to hit without hitting? Parenting is hard. Will I be a good parent? Where did she learn to hit from? She isn’t hit. Other kids? Daycare? What if I can’t teach her to not hit?
Found four grey hairs yesterday. Turning 40 didn’t feel like it though. Should I use that Grecian stuff? Too old? Too young? Why now? What if I pluck them and more of them grow back?
What if….what if….what if….
Histrionic. “Tell your mind to shut the hell up.” That’s what Miriam says. My shrink. I need Miriam in my brain to tell it that. What is a shrink anyway? What if I'm called a shrink? Will I like it?
Oh the mind. It’s a terrible thing when it thinks. I think.
posted by Mike at 7:34 AM
4 Comments:
awww Mike ...
hehe .. first ... if you pluck one .. more won't grow ... if you were able to pluck your hairs and double would grow back .. no men would be bald!!
congratulations on the house! they won't change their mind ....
i'm sorry about the car .. i HATE car problems. the 4Runner .. cool! i drive a GMC Envoy at work (company car) and my boss just got a Nissan Titan which is even bigger .. i feel like i'm driving a semi .. the 4Runner will be perfect and you will LOVE IT ...
you'll do fine in your internship ... they will love you .. how could they not? you're a kind, caring, sensitive, compassionate, intelligent man. if you even change one life .. isn't that great? but i'm certain you will affect more than just one in a positive way ...
i don't know what ACOA is. LOL
parenting IS hard. hardest thing you could ever want to do. you're a GREAT parent. how do i know? because you care whether or not you're being a great parent.
oh yea and grey hair on men looks distinguished and handsome ... :) don't fret. i've had grey hairs since i was 23 .. i'm 100% grey now ... Clairol is my best friend.
i hope you had a great day, Mike. you're very appreciated. let me know when i can email you linkage information ... and we'll get you rollin :)
Thanks Raven!!! Email me through here or MikeandDavidNY@aol.com - or isn't that the email here? I'm confused! lol.
Oh, ACOA is adult child of an alcoholic.
Email and I will link away! I think! lol
Now I'm worried, too, on your behalf! No, really, everything will work out. Or it won't. But you'll be fine!
Mel - thanks. That's just it I guess - all the worrying in the world doesn't change a thing other than the fact that it's not allowing me to sleep very well! lol What happens will happen and we'll deal with it. That's what adults do. Sometimes I want to be a kid again! lol
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